Young Families: Tips for Selecting Guardians for Your Children

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5 

Raising children has been one of the most challenging aspects of my adult life. At the end of the day, I just want my kids to be kind, honest and truth seeking. As much as they drive me crazy, I cannot imagine life without them or the possibility of leaving them behind while they are young.

Unfortunately, whether I outlive them is not something I can control, so I must think ahead and plan for every possibility, especially the possibility that my husband and I could both die while our kids are still minors. If this were to happen and we failed to name a guardian(s) for our children in a will or trust, the probate court will decide who will care for our children and their assets until they are 18 years old.

Naming guardians for our children quickly became the most important decision my husband and I had to face when building our estate plan. It can be especially difficult for parents who have children with special needs and for single parents.

BUT, strong families plan ahead - not out of fear, but out of love. 

Identifying a Guardian over your Minor Child

So, as you consider who might care for your children, here are some considerations:

1. Relationship. Do you prefer family members or a close family friend? What type of relationship do they have with your children right now? Unfortunately, not everyone has family members they would trust with their kids.

   
   

2. Spirituality and Lifestyle. Do your preferred guardians share your beliefs and values? Are they willing to honor your commitment to raise your children in a Christ-like environment?  How would their lifestyle choices and beliefs impact the way they parent your child?

   
   

3. Location. Do they live close by; would they be willing to relocate to where your kids are planted; or would your kids need to relocate?

   
   

4. Family Dynamics. Is your preferred guardian(s) single or married? Do they already have children? If so, would they be able to adequately care for yours too – emotional capacity and physical space in their home?

   
   

5. Discipline. What are their discipline and parenting styles? Are they similar to yours?

   
   

6. Health/Age. How old are your preferred guardians? Are they physically capable of taking care of your children, or do they have health issues that would make it difficult to care for your child’s unique needs or age?

   
   

7. Specialized Knowledge. Does your preferred guardian have knowledge of your child’s medical, behavioral or learning needs? Is he or she capable of and willing to understand your child’s needs and the care required to keep them healthy, safe and growing?

   
   

In most cases, when crises occur, family or friends step in to do whatever is necessary, but having these conversations is important for building peace of mind. These conversations should occur between you and your spouse and your preferred guardian(s).

An Important Note for Single Parents:

If you are a single parent, this decision can be even more daunting. However, you must keep in mind a few things:

1. Parents with court-ordered parenting plans that include shared parental responsibility and time sharing, may not select a guardian over the other parent. However, it is appropriate to identify a successor guardian.

   
   

2. If the court granted a parent sole parental responsibility and time sharing, it is appropriate to identify a guardian other than the former spouse.

   
   

3. If the father never established paternity through the courts and the parents were never married, the mother may also identify a guardian other than the child’s father.

One Other Thing to Consider:

Who will handle your child’s money? In most circumstances, the guardian over the property is usually the guardian over the child. However, in situations where a child could end up with a parent or guardian who does not have financial wisdom, you may want to consider having a separate guardian over the child’s property.

We will explore what it means to appoint a Guardian of the Property in another post.

Disclaimer: This post is intended for general information only. It does not constitute legal advice tailored to any specific situation. Each family’s situation must be carefully considered and planned.